It is a warm morning and evidence of the recent scorching heat lies in the brown curled-up leaves of my two tree babies on the deck. Sometimes water is not enough. We are really pretty fragile, aren’t we? Not too much sun, not too much cold, not too much or too little water, but just the right amount of each thing. We are so dependent – a good tether for us to humility. We can swagger with braggadocio until the internet gets turned off unexpectedly as we are buying our airline tickets (yes, personal experience) or the air conditioning goes out; and if we lose water we are quite soon up a dry creek, no paddle necessary.
I do notice though that some of the plants seem to be doing exceedingly well. The one that was yellowing is now green and glossy. The spider plant is crazy happy. All the lilies are in full bloom. We must keep in mind that human beings likewise have a range of optimal conditions versus threshold survivability. One soars as the other wilts. Do we recognize who thrives in what conditions? Do we give space for that? For ourselves?
Who needs silence, who needs noise? Who needs alone time and who needs socializing? Who needs to go off to the mountains and who to the bedroom to watch TV? Who needs words of affirmation, physical gestures of affection or quiet acts of service to feel loved and supported? The ingredients of love, respect and trust apply to all. How that gets fleshed out for us is something we need to learn about ourselves and to study as we watch others we love. What makes them seem to thrive? Comments? Thoughts?
Whenever things seem too awful in the world and my shoulders are tight and almost up to my ears as if they were paralyzed in mid-shrug (and why is that anyway? Is this our human way of bowing up like a cat facing down an unwelcome intruder? Are we also trying to look bigger and more menacing when we feel weak and impotent and mad about it? Is this our internal incredible hulk?? “Don’t mess with ME man!! Watcha’ lookin’ at?!!” )
But I digress. So when life seems so harsh my mind goes not to battle but to retreat! I’m filled with a longing for a little house on the prairie. Or better yet, a cabin in the woods by a stream. Specifically along Guanella Pass in the Rockies in Colorado.
I’m sitting next to the creek, listening to its soothing warble over the rocks. The water is fast-flowing and so cold it will curl your toes – refreshing, cleansing. I’m nearly giddy with the shock of the icy liquid on my warm skin; it makes me laugh. (Sometimes at the end of a shower I slowly turn the hot water off – hot water is so serious – until only the cold is left and splashes me so vigorously I suck in my breath and then laugh out loud. Immediately I turn it off then because I am not crazy after all.)
Anyway, as I sit next to the creek’s edge with my toes dipping forward and back, I bask in three dimensions of glory as I first hear the aspen leaves rustling against the creek’s rushing; I look up to see the limbs swaying gently in the mountain breezes and feel them tickling my hair and gliding down my arms. Curiously in the middle of this a bright and steady stream of sunlight in focused beams shines overhead.
I make some coffee over the fire kindled earlier and now emerge to retrieve it and sit on the small porch of my little wood cabin. I nestle in to a comfy wicker chair cushioned and pillowed, with a light afghan lying alongside and pick up my book. Birds call, the wind blows, my coffee is smooth and hot and good. My heartbeat slows and after a bit I lay my cup aside and rest and await the stars.
I am glad you are here! Since ninth grade I have been writing in journals everything from “to do” lists to deep theological questions like “Oh God, why me??!!” Along the way I have amused myself observing nature and people and I have struggled with difficult issues both personal and spiritual.
Now as a psychiatric nurse practitioner I see that so many of us suffer with common themes, rejoice with similar victories, lose and gain hope at different times and circumstances. Perhaps some of these musings will give you a lift and make you smile.
My goal is not to “publish” but to share myself with you in a way that makes you feel comfortable and cared about and remember we are all in this together. I look forward to hearing from you. Welcome!